Oh, Amsterdam. You were the most confusing place I have ever been to. I wanted to love you with all of my heart and in moment's, I did, but then you would remind me about how much of a disappointment you can be. Yet with all of that, I will still allow you to hold a special place in my heart and hope that someday when it's warm, we will meet again.

Amsterdam is a very beautiful city. The city is covered in these picture-perfect canals. The streets are lined with homes and buildings that are so unique to the city. Everyone is riding bikes and there are hardly any cars. It all seems like a place that you could be nothing but happy in. I was so content exploring the Jordaan area with all its sweet little shops and beautiful streets. Then we wanted to stop and get some coffee and suddenly I had trust issues with this city.

If you didn't know, a coffee shop in Amsterdam is a weed dispenser. A name that is so dear to me is ruined by cannabis. I was so disappointed that a city that has so much beauty and charm makes something so gross readily available for anyone who wants to partake. It's hard for me to understand why people enjoy drugs as something that enables them to be in full control of their self. It goes the same with the over consumption of alcohol or anything of this sort. I also struggle with knowing that when I get back home to California, where weed was just legalized, this could very well become a normal thing to see every day. Just another road I'll have to cross when I get there.

Now the scariest thing that Amsterdam normalizes, and is famous for, is their Red Light District prostitution. There are streets in the city that have women standing in little rooms with glass doors, dressed in lingerie, waiting for a man to come up and knock so she can take him back and do god knows what.

It's personally hard for me to see these women or the big neon signs saying "live nonstop sex show" because the whole concept is so foreign and unreal to me. I grew up in a conservative Christian home so I have always had the values that sex is not just a recreational activity, but something special that should be only for two people who care deeply for each other. 1 Corinthians 6 speaks about this idea that when two bodies join they become one body and when a man "joins" with a prostitute he becomes one body with her, a strange woman whom he will never see or remember again. It saddens me to see that the world I live in has people that will readily knock on these doors.

These girls willingly give out their body day and night for cheap sex and pleasure. They all have their own personal reasons to do so and I wish I could sit down and talk to some of them to try to understand. Some do it for the money, but others somehow see it as empowering. They only see that they have some small sense of power to control men's emotions, but they ignore the fact that they are still being taken advantage of because, at the end, he will always just pay and walk away.

It's a crazy world we live in and so many of us easy accept or ignore the gross sin in the world. I guess it's just easy to blindly let it happen, but that doesn't make it right. The theme of how Amsterdam conducts their businesses is the whole concept of "if it's going to happen anyway, might as well regulate it." That whole idea is what's starting to spread elsewhere. I know tons of people who argued for legalizing weed back home saying "people are still going to smoke so might as well tax it." But that's not the issue. Once it's normalized and said to be okay more people will willingly fall for the traps.

One cool thing that I was able to experience while in the city was in the hostel we were staying at. We found a Christian hostel and decided to book there mostly because it was the cheapest and most central in the city. It seemed a little odd and dorky, but one morning I was able to have a conversation with one of the girls working there. She was a recent high school grad from America so I asked her what made her want to come live here. She told me about how she wanted to take a year to do ministry before going to college and while searching the internet for possibilities she happened upon the website for this hostel and God was just calling her to come here. She said it was an amazing experience because being in the hostel she could interact with people coming to visit and share the gospel by showing that there is more to the city than the gross. She was a light in a dark place and that's the best that we can do as Christians. It's not our job to save the world, but just to share love.

So that was my Amsterdam experience. You may or may not agree with what I have to say, I know it's all very sensitive and controversial. You do you and I'll do me.

till next time,
Julia Carrington

London is just one of those places that, as an American girl, sounds so dreamy and perfect. London is where all those perfect looking British boys with their sexy accents come from. London is extremely fashionable is a more eccentric way than Paris. London is full of elegant tea rooms where you can get afternoon tea every single day. They have the underground and the red double decker buses. They have Big Ben, the London Eye, and Buckingham Palace. I was so excited to finally get my chance to go see it all for myself.

I spent a majority of high school watching youtube vloggers and most of the vloggers on youtube are in fact, British. So I spent all this time watching people live fun lives in this foreign country and it had always made me want to go. When I was trying to choose where I would apply to study abroad it came down to Paris and London. I wanted to pick London so badly, but everyone was telling me "it's just the older America" and I knew the language aspect of Paris would be a good challenge for me. But now that I had made into Europe, I wasn't going to miss an opportunity to make a quick trip over an ocean to see this city that I had built up so much in my mind.

That ended up being a problem for me. I had built up the city too much in my mind that nothing could meet these expectations. It's just another city and didn't deserve to be held to such a high regard. Yes, it was so lovely and I enjoyed every bit of my time there, but by the end of the trip instead of regretting choosing Paris like I thought I would, I was pretty excited to get back to my city. Anywho, time for the details of my three days in London.

Day One..

Now London was not on most people's list for their abroad travels, at least in my program. It was becoming difficult to find a travel buddy, but I didn't let that stop me. I booked my overnight buses there and back and was ready to travel alone. Granted this was a much easier decision knowing that I could communicate with locals in English and easily read all street signs was very reassuring. I got on a bus just before midnight on a Thursday and after nine hours of going through an annoying amount of border control and traveling by boat to a new country, I found myself waking up at 8 am Friday morning (there's a time zone change, I know how to do math) in London, England.

After getting a feel for the city and figuring out where I needed to go, I headed to my first stop, the Sassoon beauty school. I had the idea put in my mind that getting a haircut during my visit was a good idea because it was cheap and I could communicate what I wanted with someone who understood me. After becoming a new person, I walked up Oxford Street, popping in and out of shops. I bought something at a Boots, a personal bucket-list item for me. Did a little bit of shopping at Primark, which was one of the most crowded stores I have even been in. Eventually, I made my way to the end and went straight into hyde park which was just massive and beautiful.



All of that was just killing time until my reservation for what I really came to London for. Sketch. The most wonderful and perfect tea room I have ever seen. I spent a pretty penny to sit in this blush pink room surrounded by cute artwork while sipping tea and eating delicious pastries, sandwiches, and scones. There was no shame in being the sole person enjoying a tea for one because it made me so happy. I will daydream about this experience till the end of time. I also had to take a trip to their bathroom because it is well known for being this crazy experience with the colored lights on the ceiling and egg-shaped pods as toilet stalls. Sketch stole my heart so points for London on that one.



After my proper English afternoon tea, I met up with the friend and fellow bulldog that I was crashing with for the weekend. (super big shout out to him for saving me lots of money on a free bed) He was studying in London in a theater program, so being that we both had theater in common, we went to go see a musical for the evening. School of Rock, it was totally awesome. It was extremely well done and the kids in the show had talent beyond their years. We left totally in awe of the production. After a quick nightcap at a British pub, we called it a night and day one of London was done.

Day Two..

The next morning we planned on getting an early start to see all the hot spots of the city. From Buckingham Palace to Trafalgar Square. Big Ben and the London Eye. Tower Bridge and Shakespeares Globe. Borough  Market and Saint Pauls. Every postcard place you could think of. With all of this plus a stop for fish and chips and walking around a little Christmas market, we were somehow done before 4 pm. It put into perspective how close everything was together and how small the city can seem. With all of that time, my friend couldn't think of anything else to show me and I had already shown him a few things he had never seen before.


We caught a 4 pm service at Saint Paul's and then wandered over to Piccadilly Circus to see if we could find any cheap tickets to see another show that night. We bought tickets for In The Heights and still needed to kill time until the show. We went ahead and got ourselves some dinner from Nandos (thanks to One Direction for that suggestion) and had some yummy chicken. The show was being held next to Kings Cross Station so we went over early to see the famous platform and 9 and 3/4. I was a bit disappointed by how underwhelming it all was. It seemed like the station had recently been remodeled so it wasn't as charming as in Harry Potter, and the little photo op for the platform was just a section of a wall next to a store full of Harry Potter merch. In the Heights was great though. I knew nothing of the story other than it was written by Lin-Manuel Miranda who has yet to fail me. It ended up being a perfect way to end the night.

Day Three..

Sunday was a slow and relaxing day. I wanted to go explore Notting Hill and this little part of the city did not disappoint. The little townhouse apartments in perfect rows and the bright colored doors were something I could only dream of living in. Portobello Road was lined with shops that would strike my fancy any day. Amazing thrifts and vintage and little small business shops, my heart. At the end of this road, there was a little flea and food market, something that's right up my alley. Stopped for a pulled duck sandwich that was to die for and only cost 4 pounds, the cheapest thing I had seen in the city during my entire trip. Sadly the sun went down and after a final stroll through Hyde Park in the pitch black night, it was time to head back to Paris.



Now back to what I said at the beginning, I am by no means saying I didn't enjoy my stay in London. I loved so many parts of it. I think what disappointed me was how small and underwhelming the city seemed to me. There was nothing that truly screamed special. A lot of the stuff that I did enjoy I could probably find very similar things back in the states. London is far too expensive and that's saying something coming from Paris. The city seemed to give into commercialism a lot more than I've noticed in Paris. I was surprised by how hard it became to find things to do. I am so grateful that Paris has a never ending list that I know I'm not going to be able to finish in even these three whole months. London was great and I'm so glad I went and am excited to come back someday. This trip just really reassured me that Paris was the perfect decision for me, even if I didn't realize it in the first place.

xoxo
Julia Carrington

I have written this post a million times now. I will have a time in my life that inspires me to talk about how important this topic is to me, and then by the time I get around to writing it I start feeling that is is too late or the timing is off for my personal story. Lately, this idea has been so important to me and I preach it to so many people so I’ve decided there is no better time to talk about going places by myself. I am currently on the biggest #juliagoesplacesbyherself adventure and even within this one big adventure I’ve been exploring more solo adventures. It’s crazy but at the same time one of the best ways a person my age can grow into themselves.

But to fully explain why this post is so important to me I am going to give a little background for each of the times in the past where I started really thinking about this because they all add importance in very different ways.

The first realization was way back in June of 2015 when I had a day to myself full of shopping, coffee, and cookies. Up until a little bit before then I had always had a someone. The person I could text or call to go to the movies with or the mall or just about anything. The year before this, that someone was my boyfriend who I did absolutely everything with so when I lost that person I became lost. I didn't know what to do with myself. I was so used to the habit that if I wanted to do something I’d ask him if he wanted to and if it didn’t work out I just wouldn't go. After coming home at the beginning of that summer, not knowing what to do, I realized I was a pretty dependent person. The amount of things I missed out on or skipped in the past because I didn’t have a person to be with was upsetting to think about. For the first month of summer 2015, I had no idea who to turn to to do things with. I ended up just bribing my brother to hang out with me in exchange for food, but that could only work so many times. I had been trapped inside the house for about a week just cleaning out my closet then this one day I had become too stir crazy to go on. I threw all the clothes I wanted to try to sell to a resale shop a couple cities over into the trunk of my car and just went. I was going to have a day in Costa Mesa by myself and figure it out as I go. I accomplished my goal and then decided to just stick around and explore the area. It was something I had always wanted to do but didn't appeal to anyone else so of course, it never happened. I sat down and had a cup of tea. Wandered in and out of cute little independent shops around there. Bought some sweet little macaroons. I moved at my own pace and did what I wanted to do and it was actually a really good feeling.

That’s how the rest of that summer went. It was my first #juliagoespalcesbyherself summer. I had essentially a two-month long summer with no job and far too much free time so every time I wanted to do something I just did it. I refused to let myself be afraid of what other people would think of me. There was no reason for me to miss out on what I wanted in life based off of what random strangers might or might not think of me. I did weird things that I would have never thought would be fun to do alone like go to Disneyland, which ended up being one of my favorite solo things to do. I go alone more often than with people because I choose the pace and what to do. I would go watch every show or sit on Main Street or paradise pier and just people watch and read a book. It’s so lovely. And no matter where you are alone, people don't care. They don’t really notice and judge or worry like we all think they do in our heads. Think about how often you see and judge a person for being in a coffee shop alone. Not at all right? It’s almost the selfishness inside of us that worries about others opinions when  nobody is thinking about us in the first place.

All of these “dates” with myself really helped me grow as well. I didn’t have any outside influences carrying the conversation or deciding what to do next so I learned what I really wanted to do. I discovered what my personal priorities were and what I enjoyed doing. I really got to know myself. I think being dependent or always in relationships took us so much of my time worrying about getting to know someone else while I barely knew myself. During our high school and college years, we are still trying to figure out who we are and who we want to be. Nothing is all figured out by any means. I found that it is so important to just slow down and hang out with yourself. Ask yourself the same stupid things you would ask another person to get to know them. Think about nothing else but yourself. Because there is no one on this earth that you will spend as much time with as you. Might as well know yourself and enjoy spending time with yourself. If you can’t do this you could end up being totally miserable and not make the strong connections with others that we crave. It is so true. I preach this all the time. You have got to date yourself a little bit every once in a while.

After that summer I went back to school where I was pretty much constantly surrounded by other people again. I felt bad but I reverted to my old ways of waiting on others. Partially due to the lack of a car and the literal dependence on others to get anywhere outside of the University of Redlands campus. I missed it so much so as soon as I would have an opportunity I would grab it and go out. Then the next summer came and I did have a job this time and this job actually created a ridiculous amount of amazing friendships so I spent so much of my time with them. But I still tried to make a little bit of that alone time. I would go into the Disneyland parks for a few hours before my shift because having that little bit of time would still make all the difference in my mood.

At the end of that summer, I was going somewhere totally by myself. Somewhere pretty far away by myself. It was gonna take a couple planes to get there and I would be hopping over quite a few time zones. Suddenly I was in Paris, France “tout seul”. I was scared and worried that maybe I had tricked myself into thinking I was an independent person for the past year when in reality I really didn’t like being totally alone like that at all. I was scared and lost and confused at first but then I just had to take a breath and think about what I had learned in the past.

This was just a great opportunity to go on dates with myself practically every single day. I knew I had lists on lists on lists of things I wanted to explore in this crazy city and I was in no mood to try to find an exploring buddy every single day. Classes for me were out around noon every day so I had so much opportunity to get out there without anyone holding me back. I know I’m a pretty particular person and my idea of a fun day isn’t the same as everyone else’s so I would go out on my own and wander in and out of stores, stop at a different coffee shop every hour, or spend an entire day at a museum. I was in Paris for me. I wasn’t there to share my experience with someone else all the time, if I was I would have tried harder to talk my best friend into coming with me. I was here to discover new things about myself and learn about and enjoy this new and unusual place.

You learn more about yourself when in a place you've never been before where no one speaks your language as their first language and you have to figure out how to get around and live. It isn’t an easy task. Every day can easily turn into a challenge and it can be frustrating if you don’t learn to make the best of it. I think about how easy it could have been for me to lock myself in my room every day after classes. I would have avoided a lot of awkward moments created by language barriers and cultural differences. It would have been simple to just wait around for my more fluent friends to be free and let them do all the talking for me. Yet, if I did that I would have seen a lot more of my bedroom walls than of this city that I only get to live in for so long. People in my program say that they think I have seen more of the city than anyone else just because I chose to push myself to go out and force myself to deal with those uncomfortable times. I knew the struggle would be worth the benefit. I know the city inside and out and would be totally comfortable giving anyone travel advice if they choose to come to Paris. And I wouldn’t have that if I was afraid to go out alone. Do you see where I’m going here? The world becomes so much more accessible if you drop the fears and stigmatism attached to being alone for a little bit.

Now back to Disneyland because, I’m sorry, but I love the place and it just so happens to be a big part of my life. If you didn’t know, there is a Disneyland park in Paris. Being a Disneyland cast member and a Disney fan in general meant visiting the parks was an easy no brainer. You could go back and read another one of my posts that goes more into detail about my experience there, but I am going to briefly mention it here because it was yet another experience of being somewhere alone. I was supposed to go with a big group of friends here in my abroad program, but low and behold they all canceled the night before. I was too excited about this day that I didn’t want to push it back just to wait on other people again, plus, as I mentioned before, Disneyland solo was something totally normal to me back home so why would it be any different here. It felt really strange and wrong at first and I was texting friends back home worried that I was making a mistake, but the day was perfect for me. I moved at my own slow pace. I was lucky enough to get in free so I knew I could come back again if I really wanted to. I accomplished my priorities that I knew the people I was planning on coming with wouldn’t have been on board with. I wandered the hotels for almost three hours just to stalk their lifeguards because that’s my job back at home so I thought it would be fun to compare. As funny as it sounds I had a completely personal experience that would have been hindered if I had not gone alone. That was a big day for me and I think it’s funny how worried I was that I would regret doing so.

Now I’m in London. I got on a bus at midnight and woke up this morning at 7 am in another country once again completely by myself. I felt a lot more confident coming to an English speaking country for my solo weekend which made this decision easier. As basic as it sounds, this city has always been a dream for me. I got through high school by watching British YouTubers all the time. London and Paris were the two cities I was going back and forth with when choosing my abroad home base. I had this city built up in my head and I was not prepared to miss out on my dream of visiting just because everyone else had already been there and had no desire to go back. I booked my bus anyway and just went for it. As I am writing this I am sitting in the most stunning tea room that I have ever seen, drinking a proper English afternoon tea. I don’t care that I’m the only person sitting alone at a table because this is what I want. A dream come true. Nobody wanted to join me in this ridiculously expensive treat but that wasn’t going to stop me.

I’m sure this is obnoxiously long and I’m starting to sound repetitive, but I cannot stress this enough. I love to hang out with myself every once in a while. There is no excuse to ever miss out on something you want to experience. Yes, I agree some experiences are better shared with someone else, but would you rather try it out alone or miss the experience altogether? It’s strange to think about how different I could be if I had continued in my ways of waiting on others. I know who I am and who I want to be and I have myself to thank for that. What an awesome feeling.

So why are you waiting around all the time? If you want to do it, just go out there and do it.

xoxo
Julia Carrington

xoxo,
Julia Carrington