So I went through a pretty shit breakup a while ago.
It was a mess. I was extremely heart broken and depressed. I fell into a hole that I thought would be impossible to get out of. I locked myself in my room, stopped eating, and basically became this shell of a human, going through the necessary motions of life, like a zombie.
Good news is if you saw me now, you wouldn't believe that for a second. I am the happiest I have ever been and living my best life. I don't regret any of it, but I am so much better off now.
I recently had a friend who also went through a bad break-up and since she watched me go through mine she came to me for advice on how to come out of that mess on top. This got me thinking about how much I would have loved to have someone there for me to tell be what's going to happen and how to get through it. So I've come up with my "potion" to cure a broken heart.
I am going to preface this by saying everyone is different and works through emotions in their own unique ways, these are just some general bits of advice that got me to be a happy person again.
A song to belt at the top of your lungs ...
So I am not going to tell you what song it is or give some silly little playlist because I have no idea what your story is and what you need to hear. You'll find the perfect ones that are most relevant to what's going on. Mine were Credit by Meghan Trainor and Too Many Fish by Karmin. Maybe you need empowering pump up songs or maybe you need a good crying song. Either way, music has therapeutic powers so sing your heart out.
Time ..
It always takes time to heal, no matter the type of wound. A wise man once told me to think about how long you've been with the person, cut that in half, and that's how long it's going to take to really get over them. It's silly to think that you can invest all that time into a person getting to know them and falling in love with them and they suddenly disappear from your life and everything feels normal. No. Not at all. Your life is turned upside-down. Your routine and habits are gone. You lost your person. It will take time to get used to that. It took me six months to finally say my life was back to normal again, but that makes sense.
A confidence booster ...
Do you what you gotta do to remind yourself that you are worth everything. Breakups can leave you feeling worthless and unloved. You don't have that attention anymore, that promise that someone finds you fun to be around and attractive. Go ahead download Tinder and see all the hot guys that will swipe right on you. Not to get back in the game, don't do that too soon, but get that little rush of knowing someone thinks you're cute. Your ex isn't the only one who will ever think you're beautiful, but sometimes that's hard to remember.
A reminder of the good news ...
This goes a little bit against my last point, but we are all children of God and we don't need to find our worth in anything here on earth because our worth is found in Christ. The God of the universe loves you and will always love you. That's pretty freaking awesome if you asked me. During this time of trouble and sadness, it's so important to take time to pull out a bible or reach out to people within your church for encouragements and prayer. God and your church family will always be there to listen to you.
Retail therapy ...
You gotta take the time to treat yourself like the princess you are. All that money that you used to spend on them(dates, gifts, etc.) is now all for you. My breakup was right before Valentine's day so all the money I had saved up to buy him a nice gift went straight to a mini shopping spree for myself.
Cut that last string of hope ...
There is nothing to be hanging onto because that is what will just elongate the process. It doesn't help you whatsoever so you need to spend your time getting over the person, not considering the what ifs. This was my big mistake, we ended things with a big maybe. That left me waiting and wondering until it was too late. If they wanted to end things in the first place then why would either of you want to get back into the relationship again? If it was bad enough to end for any bit of time it was bad enough to end for good.
Surround yourself with people who love and cherish you no matter what ...
Your ex isn't the only one who loved you even though it might have felt that way. It's easy to fall into the trap of relationships where you spend all your time with the one person and you forget about the countless number of people who still love you no matter what. Spend time with them, you don't need to go through this alone. You need someone you can talk through all these emotions and feelings with so you don't bottle it all upside and let it eat you away. Your friends and family will want to be there to support you.
Use this time to your advantage ...
Welcome to single life where you are now your own priority. Relationships are exhausting! There is this constant need to find time to be with your significant other. Now you have all this time to yourself that you would have spent talking to someone all the time or going on dates when they could. Now you have this time to yourself to figure out what you love to do. Now you get to date yourself for a little. Lucky duck. This is honestly my favorite thing ever. You are the longest relationship you'll ever be in. Relationships can come and go but you'll always have to get to know yourself and have fun.
Just remember it's all good in the end. Don't think about all the positives of the relationship that you'll miss or even all the negatives to convince yourself it was terrible. It was a relationship that you will cherish and remember because it was a big part of your life for some amount of time. Don't turn it into something terrible and at the same time don't put it on a pedestal. There obviously was good and bad and you learned so many things from your experience. It's going to hurt real bad but you'll move on eventually and this experience will make you a stronger person in the end.
I hope my words are able to help someone get through the crap and be happy with who they are.
xoxo
Julia Carrington
It was a mess. I was extremely heart broken and depressed. I fell into a hole that I thought would be impossible to get out of. I locked myself in my room, stopped eating, and basically became this shell of a human, going through the necessary motions of life, like a zombie.
Good news is if you saw me now, you wouldn't believe that for a second. I am the happiest I have ever been and living my best life. I don't regret any of it, but I am so much better off now.
I recently had a friend who also went through a bad break-up and since she watched me go through mine she came to me for advice on how to come out of that mess on top. This got me thinking about how much I would have loved to have someone there for me to tell be what's going to happen and how to get through it. So I've come up with my "potion" to cure a broken heart.
I am going to preface this by saying everyone is different and works through emotions in their own unique ways, these are just some general bits of advice that got me to be a happy person again.
A song to belt at the top of your lungs ...
So I am not going to tell you what song it is or give some silly little playlist because I have no idea what your story is and what you need to hear. You'll find the perfect ones that are most relevant to what's going on. Mine were Credit by Meghan Trainor and Too Many Fish by Karmin. Maybe you need empowering pump up songs or maybe you need a good crying song. Either way, music has therapeutic powers so sing your heart out.
Time ..
It always takes time to heal, no matter the type of wound. A wise man once told me to think about how long you've been with the person, cut that in half, and that's how long it's going to take to really get over them. It's silly to think that you can invest all that time into a person getting to know them and falling in love with them and they suddenly disappear from your life and everything feels normal. No. Not at all. Your life is turned upside-down. Your routine and habits are gone. You lost your person. It will take time to get used to that. It took me six months to finally say my life was back to normal again, but that makes sense.
A confidence booster ...
Do you what you gotta do to remind yourself that you are worth everything. Breakups can leave you feeling worthless and unloved. You don't have that attention anymore, that promise that someone finds you fun to be around and attractive. Go ahead download Tinder and see all the hot guys that will swipe right on you. Not to get back in the game, don't do that too soon, but get that little rush of knowing someone thinks you're cute. Your ex isn't the only one who will ever think you're beautiful, but sometimes that's hard to remember.
A reminder of the good news ...
This goes a little bit against my last point, but we are all children of God and we don't need to find our worth in anything here on earth because our worth is found in Christ. The God of the universe loves you and will always love you. That's pretty freaking awesome if you asked me. During this time of trouble and sadness, it's so important to take time to pull out a bible or reach out to people within your church for encouragements and prayer. God and your church family will always be there to listen to you.
Retail therapy ...
You gotta take the time to treat yourself like the princess you are. All that money that you used to spend on them(dates, gifts, etc.) is now all for you. My breakup was right before Valentine's day so all the money I had saved up to buy him a nice gift went straight to a mini shopping spree for myself.
Cut that last string of hope ...
There is nothing to be hanging onto because that is what will just elongate the process. It doesn't help you whatsoever so you need to spend your time getting over the person, not considering the what ifs. This was my big mistake, we ended things with a big maybe. That left me waiting and wondering until it was too late. If they wanted to end things in the first place then why would either of you want to get back into the relationship again? If it was bad enough to end for any bit of time it was bad enough to end for good.
Surround yourself with people who love and cherish you no matter what ...
Your ex isn't the only one who loved you even though it might have felt that way. It's easy to fall into the trap of relationships where you spend all your time with the one person and you forget about the countless number of people who still love you no matter what. Spend time with them, you don't need to go through this alone. You need someone you can talk through all these emotions and feelings with so you don't bottle it all upside and let it eat you away. Your friends and family will want to be there to support you.
Use this time to your advantage ...
Welcome to single life where you are now your own priority. Relationships are exhausting! There is this constant need to find time to be with your significant other. Now you have all this time to yourself that you would have spent talking to someone all the time or going on dates when they could. Now you have this time to yourself to figure out what you love to do. Now you get to date yourself for a little. Lucky duck. This is honestly my favorite thing ever. You are the longest relationship you'll ever be in. Relationships can come and go but you'll always have to get to know yourself and have fun.
Just remember it's all good in the end. Don't think about all the positives of the relationship that you'll miss or even all the negatives to convince yourself it was terrible. It was a relationship that you will cherish and remember because it was a big part of your life for some amount of time. Don't turn it into something terrible and at the same time don't put it on a pedestal. There obviously was good and bad and you learned so many things from your experience. It's going to hurt real bad but you'll move on eventually and this experience will make you a stronger person in the end.
I hope my words are able to help someone get through the crap and be happy with who they are.
xoxo
Julia Carrington
